at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Someone stole a lamp last night.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
