Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
Randomize
