Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
