but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
