I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
I want you more than these girls want KFC
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Randomize
