how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
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Do I have a choice?
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there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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