Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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