If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Randomize
