i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Randomize
