On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
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Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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