just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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