maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
