i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
3 2 1 whiskey
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
