hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
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