from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
I'm at about main and main street
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
