I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
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