Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
