so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Randomize
