Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Randomize
