I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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