Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
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