I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
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