she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Randomize