Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
