its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I would ride that face into the sunset
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
