every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
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