I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Randomize
