my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
