cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
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