i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
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