Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Randomize
