last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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