Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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