Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
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