Just mADE A PArabola og urine
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
