I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
