beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Randomize
