i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
