i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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