remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
