I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Randomize
