in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
