he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
