Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
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