nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
I looked at my own cervix.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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