I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
