You can't special order awesome
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
