Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Randomize
