You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
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