I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
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