on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
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