I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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