handjob tips. give me some.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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