my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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