That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
Let's paint friendship bongs
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
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