he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Last time i carry you out of a forest
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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