speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
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