We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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