made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
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