She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Randomize
