Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
