shes about as inviting as chlamydia
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
