that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
