if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
