Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Randomize
