I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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